no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
