So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
