You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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