why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize