i will never coherently bang her
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
