is your mom at the bar?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
