Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
