i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish you could order shots online.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
