I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
