remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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