Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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