...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
