Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
