I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
