i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's like iHOP with fire
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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