I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
