There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
