I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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