After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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