So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
