Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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