Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
