I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
