Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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