Ambien. No doubt about it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize