I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
