I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
