Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
