I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i believe in u and ur pee
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
