Dual....:-)
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
