i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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