Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize