you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
