I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
