I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
