i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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