Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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