i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
honey bunches of taint.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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