so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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