Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize