i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
