Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
