This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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