but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
