Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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