When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
