Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize