So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
