I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
