She's JV to your varsity
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
