i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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