Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
