Need sex. Gaining weight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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