Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
