oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
