Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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