glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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