Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
