I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
