he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
