I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
