I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
