You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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