Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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