I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
