Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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