Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
